THE BIG BAD by K. Trap Jones

Updated: Jul 10

Little Red Riding Hood loves wolf cock, Bo Beep is drug dealer, Jack Horner is a con artist, and for some reason Pinocchio reminds me of a Danny Trejo character. The Big Bad is not your typical fairy tale. I don’t do drugs, but I assume the plot of this book would be the result of Warner Bros. or Disney dropping acid and then rewriting all its characters into one big mash-up movie.

The Big Bad opens with none other than the infamous wolf strolling through the woods on his way to Little Red Riding Hood’s cottage to enjoy some sweet sweet lovin’. You may be asking yourself if inter-species coitus is ethical... or even possible. In K. Traps Jones’s world, as long as it’s consensual, the answer to both is YES! Besides, it’s a bizarro book and I’ve learned not to ask too many questions about the plotlines in this genre. And second, most ladies seem to want themselves a scruffy bad boy in the bedroom anyway, so more power to Red.

After some explicit fur on skin action, and a firehose ejaculation (apparently big bad wolves release loads that can paint an entire room white), our main character passes out in Red’s bed. He wakes to a horrific scene. The hound dog sheriff and his deputies are pounding down the cottage door and slapping cuffs on the wolf before he can even realize that Red is no longer in the room. Well, she’s there, but not in one piece. Little Red Riding Hood has been gutted, eviscerated, torn apart, and even though he has no memory, the wolf is covered in her blood and has her flesh under his claws.

Under the guidance of his fairy godfather lawyer named Seven, the wolf is granted three days to prove his innocence. The book then unfolds into a fast-paced violent and obscene adventure to find out who framed the wolf. I should mention that the story is first person told from the wolf’s point of view. We learn that his real name is Stanley Lipschitz, but no one calls him that. He’s just the Big Bad Wolf.

I like what K. Trap has done here. It’s a fun story. Seven enlists the help of Bo Peep, Jack Horner (I think), and Pinocchio, who goes by Nocho—which took me about three chapters to say ‘Nocho’ while reading and not ‘Nacho’—to help Stanley the Big Bad Wolf prove his innocence. The funniest parts are seeing the familiar characters we all know from childhood stories popping up in the most unusual ways. Our misfits eventually travel to “The Market” where they encounter the three little pigs, who are covered head-to-toe in tattoos, Hump a gangster Egg Man from the HBP (Hard Boiled Posse), as well as the Master of Puppets known as Gep.

There was probably one fight scene in a bar that seemed unnecessary and slowing, but the other fight scenes, and there are plenty, fit well. There were a few places where I felt a bit lost and the narrative seemed to move too fast without explanation, but that was few and far between, and, it’s bizarro. That means suspension of disbelief is mandatory.

Overall, The Big Bad is a fun read. There is a ton jammed into one book and maybe Jones could have focused on really developing just a few classic characters and their backstories rather than throwing everyone into the mix. But I think that this complaint could just be me as a reader wanting more depth. If you're a bizzro fan though, chances are you're gonna have a good time. And there is definitely an opportunity for spin-off novellas for the various characters. Which are all pretty much bad people—er…animals, puppets, well you know what I mean. Like a Clint Eastwood cowboy—neither Stanley or anyone in Seven’s band of misfits can be considered a good guy, but they’re at least better than the rest of the villains in this upside-down morbid fairy tale world. Anti-heroes as it were.

The Big Bad has a great ending, and as you know in all fairy tales, the ending is the most important part. But I’m not spoiling that for you. If you wanna know what happens, you can pick up your copy of The Big Bad here and follow K. Trap Jones here as well as his work in The Splatter Club.

As for me… T-T-T-Tha- That’s, All Folks!

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