HEW ON THIS! has been nominated for a Splatterpunk Award and I have the exclusive skinny with the authors.
Author de Jour: K. Trap Jones
Nikki Noir: You’re featured in a food anthology, so let’s get this out of the way first: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve put in your mouth—I mean weirdest thing eaten ;)
Jones: As the Executive Chef of the Headcheese Restaurant in Orlando, FL, I have put a lot of weird things in my mouth, but if you don’t mind I would like to talk about my recent win on the Food Network’s Chopped: Cannibal Edition. I had some stiff competition and was up against Ed Gein and Jeffrey Dahmer, but I knew I had a chance to win when I opened that basket and saw the ingredients. I made a wonderful human tongue tartar and drizzled it with a whipped semen purée, all served on fried scabbed croutons. The appetizer dish blew the others away.
For the entrée round, Ed came out strong with a brain stew which he served in the skull. The aroma was outstanding, but my shoulder flank steak had perfect grill marks. Served with a side marrow mashed potatoes and puss buttered gravy, I knew I could knock out Ed and it would just be me against Dahmer.
For the dessert round, the judges threw us for a loop with the toe fungus jam, but I was determined to prevail. I made a deconstructed toe jam ice cream and put it in the blast chiller while I used the foreskin to create a homemade waffle cone. Using the dry freezer maggots, I rehydrated them in grenadine to bring out their repugnant color and sprinkled them on top.
Winning Chopped: Cannibal Edition has been a game changer for me.
Noir: Tell us about your story in Chew on This! and what inspired it.
Jones: After opening the Headcheese Restaurant, my younger cousin mentored under me for a bit. He was a bigger fella and wanted to learn the ways of a five star Michelin chef, so I taught him a few shortcuts, especially with sauces. He really mastered a homemade blue cheese dressing that was both tart and syrupy. The morsels of the blue cheese mixed with his own unique blend of cream was excellent. He later went back home and started working at a local bar where I hear he is doing wonderful.
Noir: If you were a spice/seasoning, what would it be?
Jones: Oh my, I do love spices. I would have to say Nutmeg, only because I used to date someone named Meg and she really liked my homemade nuts. She really couldn’t get enough of my nuts. She would put one or two of them in her mouth at a time and just roll them around. She liked to lick the salt off of the nuts and kept the, in her mouth until they became almost prune-like in texture. Sometimes she would hold my nuts up above her head, then drop them down into her awaiting mouth. Sometimes she missed and my nuts would bounce off her forehead, but she would always gather them up.
Noir: What’s the scariest real-life, food-related situation you’ve been in?
Jones: Late one night at the restaurant, I was experimenting with a new chili recipe. I hacked up all of the ingredients and had a nice bottom roast. I always liked to leave the bone in for extra flavor. Anyways, as the meat was braising in the pot, the guy woke up. I mean, I thought he was dead, especially with how much that man in artery drained, but sure as shit, he sat up. Not sure how, because he had no legs, just a torso really, but there he was sitting up next to the pot of his stewing legs. I thought, what the hell, so I gave him a taste and he did seem to like it before passing back out.
Noir: What’s your next project and where can we stalk you? Jones: I’m working on a few new cookbooks. One is a splatter western cookie that will be coming out from Death’s Head Press. I also have a wonderful little recipe that will be in the next issue of SplatterpunkZine. Oh, and of course there’s a few anthologies in the oven over at The Evil Cookie Publishing. You can find more K. Trap stories here, and get CHEW ON THIS! here